Friend, you ever can have been experienced, think when you oneself are no good for certain, absolutely impossible when, were oneself accomplished however? That momently, have a kind of suddenly see the light, the world feels brightly suddenly. At that time, gave oneself comfortable group as jumping, strode a new chance to extricateoneself from an awkward position. . . . . .
朋友，你可曾感受过，当你认为自己肯定不行，绝对不可能时，自己却做到了？那一刻，就有一种恍然大悟，世界突然明亮的感觉。那个时候，就如同跳出了自己的舒适圈，迈上了一个新的台阶......
When still remembering elementary school, although I am a Chinese class delegate, but, most those who fear is writing article. On examination room, encounter a composition to chatter with respect to two legs, cudgel one's brains very long, a blank is as before in brain, one face is spellbound. This is I am opposite in those days the impression with the deepest composition.
还记得小学的时候，虽然我是个语文课代表，但是，最害怕的就是写作文。在考场上，一遇到作文就两腿打颤，苦思冥想了好长时间，脑子里依旧是一片空白，一脸茫然。这就是我那时对作文最深的印象了。
When 5 grade, a new Chinese teacher comes around on the class. She loves to see the composition that we write particularly, accordingly I had very long period of time to see she saw a cat as mice, hide far. However, hide or had not hidden.作文 WwW.ZuOwENbA.NeT
在五年级时，班上转来一位新的语文老师。她特别爱看我们写的作文，因此我有很长一段时间看见了她就如同老鼠见了猫，躲得远远的。然而，躲还是躲不过的。
That day, the teacher looked for several classmates, include me, let us enter race of a composition, it is intramural first, be the whole nation again. I at that time am true Song, dare not play the game, more never take overpraise before a few times what is more,the rather that. That day, the teacher called me, say to me: “ I saw early, you ah, to oneself composition level self-distrust. Actually you write hold out is pretty good, why to attend? Cheer, I believe, you are certain possible! ” I am stupefied be stupefied the ground looks at her, nod, came home.
那一天，老师找了好几个同学，包括我，让我们参加一个作文竞赛，先是校内的，再是全国的。当时的我是真的怂，不敢去参加比赛，更何况前几次从未拿过奖。那天，老师叫住了我，对我说：“我早就看出来了，你呀，对自己的作文水平没有信心。其实你写的得挺不错的，为什么不参加呢？加油啊，我相信，你一定可以的！”我愣愣地看着她，点了点头，回家了。
Be in the home, I open computer to prepare to input an article, in the head abrupt another blank. Came again! Composition I of what am to write certainly bad! Subject matter is done not have, outline is done not have, what do I take to write? Of the expectation that I meet disappoint teacher certainly! I leave computer, before accomplishing desk, do not know how to should do next really. It seems that whole world became silent, without a bit glorious. . . . . . .
在家，我打开电脑准备输入文章，脑中突然又一片空白。又来了！作文什么的我一定是写不好的！题材没有，提纲没有，我拿什么来写？我一定会辜负老师的期望的！我离开电脑，做到书桌前，实在不知道下一步该怎么办。似乎整个世界都沉寂了，没有一点光彩.......
Should you write “ write a composition? ” mom asks.
“你要写作文啊？”妈妈问。
“ is right ah I say ” .
“对啊”我说。
What is “ title requirement? ”
“题目要求是什么？”
“ road. ”
“路。”
Do you think “ what to write? ”
“你想写什么？”
“ does not know. ”
“不知道。”
“ that. . . . . . . The road that is inferior to keeping old home ”
“那.......不如就写老家的路吧”
It what “ has then is good that what “ has then write? ”
“那有什么好写的？”
“ you are then OK also can write other ways. You look, which road is those who make your impression the deepest? ”
“那你可以也可以写其他的路啊。你看，令你印象最深刻的是哪条路？”
“ , I understood! ”
“哦，我明白了！”
At that time, the world is weighed again shine glorious, whole sky by abluent like, a bundle of illumination was in my mind. I move the first stroke of a Chinese character to come, brush brushed the ground to write down an article, later, this article obtained the whole nation to surpass first prize.
那个时候，世界又重焕了光彩，整个天空都被洗净了似的，一束光照在了我的心头。我动起笔来，刷刷地写下了一篇文章，后来，这篇文章获得了全国赛一等奖。
Want so further upward should rely on oneself not only, the opinion of others also wants to listen to, it is better to just can become oneself.
所以想要更上一层楼不仅要靠自己，别人的意见也要听取，才能变成更好的自己。
The adviser comments on:
导师点评：
The depict of a thing through personal to oneself experience conveyed the article to want his to agree to step that one pace bravely only, then you can arouse your potential, let oneself get on a building again. Composition draw materials at the life actual, be full of life breath, make a reader special era is entered feeling, cause the reader's resonance easily. Nevertheless, there also are a few problems in the composition. Above all, the composition counteracts thematic irrelvant detail too much, the clou that you write a composition is “ that momently, I strode ” of new chance to extricateoneself from an awkward position, what convey mainly is he stride new chance to extricateoneself from an awkward position momently which, but your composition is more trifling, the teacher feels you are OK cancel the thing of a few minor details, the content that lets a composition is more concise and clear, it is better that such compositions present the result that come out, continue to cheer!
本文通过对自己亲身经历的一件事情的描写表达了只要自己肯勇敢的踏出那一步，那你就可以激发自己的潜能，让自己再上一层楼。作文取材于生活实际，富有生活气息，让读者非常有代入感，容易引起读者的共鸣。不过，作文中也存在着着一些问题。首先，作文中和主题不相关的细节太多，你作文的中心思想是“那一刻，我迈上了新台阶”，重点表达的是自己在哪一刻怎样迈上了新台阶，但你的作文比较琐碎，老师觉得你可以删去一些细枝末节的东西，让作文的内容更加简洁明了，这样作文呈现出来的效果会更好，继续加油！