Respected and beloved long mother:
敬爱的长妈妈：
Hello!
您好！
You resemble can giving a person to bring happiness only, the Qing Diao in fairy tale, taking care of Lu Xun altruistic and consecratorily, the childhood that gives him brought so much warmth.
你就像一只能给人带来幸福的，童话中的青鸟，无私奉献地照顾着鲁迅，给他的童年带来了那么多的温暖。
Still remember you giving Lu Xun taletelling, tell so lively, echoic word also uses particularly get figure, the voice of that leaf says very well, the Lu Xun that lets childhood is full of curiosity and joyance, want to listen to your taletelling really.
还记得您给鲁迅讲故事，讲得那么绘声绘色，拟声词也都用得特别的得形象，那个树叶的声音就说得很好，让童年的鲁迅充满好奇与喜悦，真想听您讲故事啊。来源 wwW.ZUowEnbA.nET
Still once, lu Xun is special want this one " hill sea classics " , you understood the aspirations of Lu Xun actually, bought this book to him, this is an a lot of people want, but the book that very few talent can buy, but you think method bought that book to Lu Xun however.
还有一次，鲁迅特别想要这一本《山海经》，你竟然读懂了鲁迅的心声，给他买了这本书，这是一本很多人想要，但很少人才会买的书，但您却想办法给鲁迅买了那书。
You are born is Huang You is fat, if be born,have a few people if Huang You is fat, the likelihood can complain old day is inequitable to hers all the time, but you are not quite same however, you are living happily, and special still self-confidence.
您生得是又黄又胖，有一些人如果生得又黄又胖的话，可能就会一直抱怨老天对她的不公平，但您却不太一样，您快乐地生活着，而且还特别自信。
Goodness is like you, unlike some a few baby-sitter, so acridity. In summer when, you sleep together with Lu Xun, you are a lackey only originally, cannot sleep together with small host, but they agree with Lu Xun however, when you are sleeping, still squeeze Lu Xun issued a bed, the mother of Lu Xun knew this thing, also do not have blame you, is to followed you to say a word only, see from here, the heart is used particularly when you take care of Lu Xun, the family that you serve Lu Xun also is such, so, they also can with the biggest well-meaning redound you!
善良如您，不像某一些保姆，那么狠毒。在夏天的时候，您跟鲁迅一起睡觉，您原本只是一个仆人，不能跟小主人睡在一起，但鲁迅他们却同意，您在睡觉的时候，还把鲁迅挤下了床，鲁迅的母亲知道了这件事，也没有责怪您，而只是跟你说了一句话，从这里看出，您照顾鲁迅的时候特别的用心，您对待鲁迅的家人也是这样，所以，他们也能以最大的善意回报你吧！
You are so good, pardonable Lu Xun can long for you.
您这么好，难怪鲁迅会思念您了。
The adviser comments on:
导师点评：
A letter that the article carries long mom will convey his to be opposite the respect of long mom and respectable passion, full text love is true. Additional, composition language is fluent, the structure is whole, those who write is pretty good. Nevertheless, there also are a few problems in the composition. The composition does not have a center each paragraphs almost sentence, it is each paragraphs convey this paragraph clou without a word in other words, you can try to add a center to the composition sentence, for instance the composition can be in the 4th paragraph composition begin writes “ so you are so hopeful, so up, although you do not have the appearance with colourful Jing making a person, but you have the interior ” that twinkles like gold however, such compositions will be more good, do not cross whole and character you what this composition writes is quite pretty good, continue to cheer!
本文通过给长妈妈的一封信来表达自己对长妈妈的尊敬与喜爱之情，全文感情真挚。另外，作文语言流畅，结构完整，写的不错。不过，作文中也存在着一些问题。作文几乎每一段都没有中心句，换句话说就是每一段都没有一句话来表达这段的中心思想，你可以试着给作文加中心句，比如作文第四段可以在作文开头这样写“您是那么乐观、那么向上，虽然您没有令人惊艳的外貌，但是您却有金子般闪烁的心灵”，这样作文会更加好，不过整体而言你这篇作文写的挺不错的，继续加油！