Grow mom
长妈妈
Hello!
您好！
The prosaic part that has read Lu Xun gentleman " toward Hua Xishi " hind, I had abecedarian knowledge to you.
读过鲁迅先生的散文集《朝花夕拾》后，我对您有了初步的了解。
I discover you and my grandma have many similar place. “ is written in the book she likes examine of be sure to, murmur to others some of what thing, must not I ambulate, unplug one individual plant is careless, turn over a stone, say I am mischievous, the mother that should tell me went, when summer sleeps, outstretched hands or feet is placed into word of “ big ” , squeeze so that I cannot turn over. My grandma likes ” to chat with others, the thing is not hiding in the heart, if she knows a bit the Eight Diagrams, do not go out one day, the person all round knew with respect to all.
我发现您和我奶奶有不少相似之处。书中写道“她喜欢切切察察，向别人低声说些什么事，不许我走动，拔一株草，翻一块石头，就说我顽皮，要告诉我的母亲去了，夏天睡觉时伸开手脚摆成“大”字，挤得我不能翻身。”我的奶奶就喜欢和别人聊天，心里正藏不住事儿，她要是知道一点儿八卦，不出一天，周围的人就全都知道了。
Have a year of summer vacation, parents sends a grandma to live in me. Arrive the first day of new environment, I was full of curiosity to everything. Break up a little while break up here, break up a little while break up comfortable there, the grandma sees I get domestic lanes and alleys farfetched, drink denounce you see my ∶ “ you become domestic lanes and alleys what kind of, learn to learn your elder sister. ” my not worry at all, hum, I go out play, the heart thinks: See you how be in charge of me. I run to the outside, pick tree leave, , collect wild flower, , catch dragonfly, , chase after butterfly, not a little while with respect to unkempt. Return the home, white fair and snow-white elder sister and I am great difference simply. The grandma sees me, began to talk about look of ∶ “ look again you, order children child model, oneself washed a hand to have a meal rapidly. ” the first day night, I and grandma sleep together, grandma age is not small, can sleep appearance still is inferior to me however. Just laid down it is normal to when going, be held out, sleep in the middle of the night, the feeling has what thing to be pressed on my wind, await my courage in those days but small, thinking is ghost, open an eye to look stealthily, the arm that is a grandma so is pressed on my body. I wake a grandma up, she is lying primly again, did not pass how long, when my fast is asleep, the grandma turns over, break a leg on my body heavily, me painful ground is goggle all the time to day break, the following day in the evening, my anyway did not sleep with the grandma.
有一年暑假，父母把我送到奶奶家住。到新环境的第一天，我对一切都充满了好奇心。一会儿翻翻这儿，一会翻翻适那儿，奶奶一见我把家里弄得乱七八糟，就喝斥我∶“你看看你把家里弄成什么样了，学学你姐姐。”我满不在乎，哼，我去外面玩，心想：看你怎么管我。我跑到外面，摘树叶子，、采野花，、捉蜻蜓，、追蝴蝶，不一会儿就蓬头垢面的了。回到家，白白净净的姐姐和我简直是天壤之别。奶奶看到我，又开始唠叨了∶“瞧瞧你，有没有点儿女孩样儿，自己洗了手赶紧来吃饭。”第一天晚上，我和奶奶一起睡，奶奶年纪不小，可睡姿却还不如我。刚躺下去时挺正常，半夜睡来，感觉有什么东西压在我胸口上，那时候我胆子可小了，以为是鬼，悄悄睁开眼睛一看，原来是奶奶的手臂压在我身上。我叫醒奶奶，她又规规矩矩地躺着了，没过多久，在我快睡着的时候，奶奶一个翻身，把一条腿重重地砸在我身上，把我痛地一直睁眼到天亮，第二天晚上，我死活不跟奶奶睡了。
Grow mom, although you have very much trouble, but I know you love Lu Xun very much. Big character does not know you gave small Lu Xun to buy him to long for day and night however " hill sea classics " , you accomplished the business that others does not agree to do or cannot do however. The grandma that at this o'clock you follow me is same, she also loves to love me very much very much. She always is carrying father mother on the back to buy me to love eating lollipop most to me, also take me to eat Kendeji occasionally. Go out in one's childhood, I take immobile time, the grandma always loves to carrying me on the back. I think you hind the back after carrying what follow a grandma certainly on the back is euqally warm.
长妈妈，虽然你有很多的毛病，但是我知道你很爱鲁迅。大字不识的您却给小鲁迅买来了他梦寐以求的《山海经》，别人不肯做或不能做的事情您却做到了。这点您就跟我的奶奶一样，她也很爱很爱我。她总是背着爸爸妈妈给我买我最爱吃的棒棒糖，有时候也带我去吃肯德基。小时候出门，我走不动的时候，奶奶总爱背着我。我想您的后背一定跟奶奶的后背一样温暖吧。
Your's sincerely,
此致，
With high respect
敬礼
" toward Hua Xishi " reader
《朝花夕拾》的读者
The consecution of the article feels first-rate, the similar point of the character in the family member that contacts oneself and article, more outstanding the individual character of the hero in the article and plain love, conception is clever, the logic of whole article is very strong, the narrative ability of young writer also was reflected, two characters, mix of two kinds of material is gotten very good, but terminal part can add a bit content again a little, for example: The love dress of better is not had China the appearance that ties a person even, full of however move comes from the love with the purest and deep heart, this is me the biggest feeling that gets from grandma and long mom body. If have similar the ending that the words and expressions that sums up a gender so regards an article as, the make up one's mind that the article had special clarity and deepness can move more reader.
文章的条理感非常好，联系到自己的亲人和文中的人物的相似之处，更突出了文章中主人公的个性和质朴的爱，构思巧妙，整个文章的逻辑性很强，小作者的叙事能力也体现了，两个人物，两种素材糅合得很好，但是结尾部分可以稍微再加一点内容，例如：长者的爱穿着无华甚至扎人的外衣，却饱含着来自内心最纯真深沉的爱意，这就是我从奶奶和长妈妈身上得到的最大的感触。如果有类似这样总结性的字句作为文章的结尾，文章有了非常清晰的立意和深度就更能打动读者了。